My first unofficial book

http://oup.co.in/search_detail.php?id=145687

"Discrete Mathematics" written by SK Chakraborty and BK Sarkar.
BK Sarkar - the only teacher in my life who is truly a role model for all teachers.
An unsung hero.

Getting an opportunity to unofficially work on a book before turning 30 - PRICELESS.

I am happy in the background - being mentioned as a former student in the Acknowledgement section - Sir definitely deserves the credit for all his hard work which he has put in this book for 4 years; and all the hard work which he has been doing with strong determination to improve the quality of teaching of his subjects, at BIT Mesra, Ranchi.

A jerk manager can screw my annual reviews, a manager can give me low increments, poor stock options - but no manager in this universe can snatch this achievement from me.

I shouldn't have been alive today !!

July 6, 1996 - exactly 15 years ago.
Waiting for the school bus, I was knocked down by a speeding car - but I survived with just a badly injured leg.


That accident totally scarred me for good.
I was leading a perfect lifestyle as a high school student. Just turned 14, I was full of energy, totally focussed on studies, sleeping early by 10PM, waking up early at 4:30 AM, and studying for 1 hour in the freshness of morning,followed by half an hour of brisk exercise, and then leving to catch the school bus.
I was totally determined to be a topper that year in class 9th. I was making great friends. I was getting better at street cricket with every passing day, playing with my childhood friend every evening for 1 hour.


But for that accident - it not only scarred my leg, but left me bed-ridden for 3 months - missing a term exam, and hence crushing down my all hopes of being a topper.
My healthy lifestyle was shattered. My studies and exercise routine were tattered, to say the least.


I was never ever the same person again - however hard I would try.


I was never able to wake up and study with same zeal early in the morning. I was never able to play cricket as good as I was before that accident. My walking style had been damaged permanently - I was mocked at for the same throughout my school life all the way upto class 12th.


It is so true. Death tends to come when you are living your life to the fullest.

If you die - you die a happy man, but if you survive - then the life afterwards is almost a hell.

Since last 15 years - I must have wished for death at least 1500 times. But, well it will not come.

NO - I am NOT going to try suicide or other such b*ll***t. I have survived death once - don't want to take any more chances. I want a natural death - some fine day - I go to sleep, and thats it.

Right now - I am fed up with my life - and yes, DEATH WILL NOT COME till I start LIVING again - which in all possibilities is impossible.

Out of curiosity, I just tried www.deathclock.com and it predicts my date of death as

Tuesday January 27, 2032 - 5 months short of turning 50.

Lets see how things go. I would definitely write a blog about it a day before that day.....

Waiting for Death ........................

5 years in my job and I am 29 now

2 days still to go - but since the day falls on a Sunday this year, hence my office decided to commemorate my (and 3 others') 5 year anniversary today 24th June (Friday) evening itself. What more - my anniversary at my job coincides with my birthday - something which is not just a coincidence - I did have a minor role in this coincidence. So, I turn 29 this year - single, unattached, not looking - absolutely no desire to mingle [till the time I am alive] - but just one burning desire - to be the best. Yes, I have been a dissatisfied creature throughout my life - but thats the way I am. There are 7 billion human beings on this planet - and all of them are different from each other. I am the 7 billionth type - any problems ?



I have been ill since last week or so - running nose, bad voice, daily bouts of mild fever around evening - all symptoms of flu - unshaven as usual. But, still managing to drag myself to work, and getting things done. I have been busy through the day - managing to squeeze time to send one of my ideas to an internal TechFest (just impulsively) - dumped all matter into a 3 page file within 50 minutes !! That is definitely the fastest ever article I have written in my life - yes, I am definitely evolving with growing age. Now, whether that article gets me anything or not is an entirely different question - totally beyond my control.



I have made some of my colleagues vote for that article so that it is visible among top 10-20 of the pile of 180+ articles. Lets see....


And, to top it all - handling an intern alongwith my usual job - yet another first time experience for me. I have been mentor to 3 new joinees - but have never ever handled an intern.



Day passes by - it is around 3 pm. I am banging my head with a colleague over usual stuff - then rest of our team - 4 of us - and the lead also gather. We discuss the things, crack some jokes amongst ourselves - and then someone just pops the question -
"Hey, you are completing 5 years right ?"
I say - "Day after tomorrow - June 26".
Then, other fellow - "Your birthday is also coming"
I say - "Same day - June 26"
3rd fellow - "Oh, you joined on your birthday naa, great !!"



My brain just seems to be getting blank. I can feel fever catching up again. I have never been so badly ill - that too with just cough and cold - as far as my memory goes - may have been in childhood - but not in recent years.
Age catching up ? 29 is not as young as 19 - but definitely much younger and fitter than 49.
We proceed towards the Square - thats what they call it - it is neither a square, nor a rectangle - geometrically, it can be analyzed as to be made up of a number of rectangles probably.
It is the last Friday of June 2011, and it is the monthly gathering of the team. Some 100 people have gathered. As soon as I step in, I see 4 glass crystals on the center table - one of them has my name on it.



Then, a colleague comments - "Dude, 5 year bumps ?"
I - "Come on, I am ageing up. Too old for these things".
Some other colleagues alongwith him smile.
Am I openly declaring myself as old, or am I just gracefully accepting my age ?



Then enters the GM - 2-3 lines of usual greetings. then, intro of new joinees, and new interns. I see a guy amongst the new hires - whom I had interviewed at IIT Chennai last year - the chap was good - lets see how he fares here.
An interesting tradition has developed over the past few years - each new joinee has to stand up on a chair to give his intro etc. And, they don't spare even the 5-year, 10-year, and beyond veterans celebrating their anniversaries.
Ok, the intros are done. Reminds me of my own days as a curious, excited, nervous guy.
Then, the GM starts inviting the 5 year fellows one by one.
One of them is invited, he just takes his trophy - people clap, the fellow is not willing to give any speech, but is made to do so. Just stammers 4-5 trademark lines - have been in this team, it has been great etc etc.
People clap. There is a signed letter from CEO - one for the employee and other for his partner. Well, the fellow is unmarried. So, the GM smiles while handing over the letter to him, and says - "Do hand it to your partner whenever you find her". A giggle from the crowd ...



Next is my turn. I receive the trophy, the same giggles on partner stuff too - well, those partner letters will in 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999% probability being end up recovered from my closets after my death. Thats the life I am determined to live - sorry, no girlfriend/marriage business for me. Its all f***ed up stuff - spending my whole life as a stepany, unsuccessfully trying to please a torture called "woman" - my foot !!!! Enough of nuisance in my life since the time I was born - no more time/space for any feelings/emotions/commitments/relationships/love/marriage/kids and other similar bullsh**. Its just I, Me and Myself - yes I am the 7 billionth type of creature.



Coming back from my trail of thoughts - I am asked for speech, and I readily move towards the chair, holding the trophy with both hands. I look at the crowd and ask - "Ok, so what do you want to listen ?"
Someone says - "Tell us about your 5 years".
Someone else says - "How many bugs have you filed till now ?"
I - "You can check the bugs database"
Some people smile and giggle.
Then, I begin - "I will tell you about the top 5 events in my 5 year career. Number 1 - I have done something which even our GM could not do."
The business admin and some people attract GM's attention towards me - "Hey, he has done something which even you could not do".
I continue - "He could not join the company on his birthday - missing it by a narrow margin of 1 day."
GM - "Ya, my birthday was on a Sunday and I joined on Monday."
I - "But, I did that - I joined this company on my birthday".
I look around at the crowd - some approvingly nodding heads and claps.



I can feel my legs tremble a bit momentarily - or is something wrong with the chair ? No, its alright - perhaps at that moment I had a lightning-fast-forward vision of my life from teenage till the day I joined this company - all moments of desperation, struggles, frustrations, and finally that numbness when I was told by the HR on that evening of January 12, 2006 that I have been selected.



I carry on - "Number 2 - my first checkin had broken the build."
A large number of laughters.
I point to the guy who was my mentor 5 years ago - "He had not told me any damn thing about source control. I did not know about it - I was the last batch to join without any training etc".
People look at that guy, and laugh - he too laughs.



The team admin says - "Hey, your ghost stories ?"
I say - "Ya, number 3 - the mysterious seat right behind me. It was a window cubicle, people used to literally fight for it. But, whoever occupied that cubicle either left the team or left the company within 6 to 8 weeks."
The dev manager asks - "What was the cubicle number ?"
I - "Building 1 - 2nd floor - the window cubicle behind B2-035 - it is either B2-034 or B2-036"
The dev manager - "Ok, I will note that - now I know what to do".
People laugh again.



I - "Number 4 - the short circuits. The wiring was very bad - quite often there used to be short circuit blasts in my cubicle, and that would bring down 6 cubicles power supply - all in one shot".
Too many laughters.
The dev manager - "(Pointing to my long time back manager) - there was a power outage in your room yesterday, right ? (Pointing towards me) He is the man - now you know."
My long time back manager says - "He tests everything."
Laughters again.



I - "Number 5 - I have had 6 different managers in my career. Manager number 5 decided to leave the managerial career path and come back to technical path within 15 days of knowing that I would be reporting to him."
Lots of laughters and clapping all around.
I point to that "Manager number 5" who was standing right in front of me - "He is the manager number 5".
Then, the dev manager again - "And who is your current manager ?"
I point towards my current manager - standing right in front of me - "He is number 6. Lets see."
The dev manager tells him - "Now you know what is your future career path."
People laugh again.
I - "Thats all I had" and I step down from the chair.
Lots of clapping - several handshakes and congratulations from people.
2 other guys are also presented their trophies, and they deliver just 2-3 lines speeches.



There is the usual ceremonial cake cutting - all 4 of us cut the cake - everyone having a piece for himself. Then, the snacks.



There are some talks amongst some of us old timers - sharing nostalgic memories of days in Building 1 - then I get back to work.



That glass crystal is the latest addition to my set of 4 other awards/momentos/trophies (whatever you call it).



Fever feels a bit better now - but a little temperature is still there.



After finishing this blog, I stepped out into my balcony - it is around 2 am - it is a calm night - everything is silent, a mild breeze is blowing.



1 more day left before I turn 29.
Happy birthday to me - in advance.

Thoughts on Valentine's Day ....

I have never ever vented out my feelings on V-day through a blog before.

Many of us are single - and feel bad about it - for some reason or other. Things perhaps tend to become worse on some specific days (like Valentines Day, Rose Day etc etc) when all you can see around are couples, hearts, roses and what not....

I am turning 29 this June, and have spent all 29 V-Days of my life all alone - usually working/studying if it is a working day, else all on my own when it is a weekend. This year too - I know that all that I will be doing on 14 February 2011 (a Monday) is - working on my computers in my closed door cabin, and will probably work till late hours so as to avoid every possible chance of seeing all that red/pink irritating stuff. I will also try to keep myself as busy as possible so as to avoid discussing about V-Day with any of my colleagues. I will go for lunch/snacks all alone, just the way I usually do.

But, even if you are single, just remember that you are not alone !! There are millions like us. I wish this thought gives some solace to all single people who listen to the song below. It may bring back some nostalgic memories, some old wounds may re-open up, some forgotten aspects of your life may light up again; but despite all that it will give you a sense of inner peace/tranquility; and will help you in becoming stronger in the battle against your luck.

While working, I need headphones plugged onto my head with some music playing in the background. And, I know that this is the song which I will be listening continuously in an infinite loop, on Monday Feb 14, 2011.

Close your eyes, and just listen ....

YouTube link for this song